Hello

Dear Reader,
This semester has been a very interesting one. The only reason why I signed up for ccollege ccomposition was because I hadn't put any honors or advanced placement courses on my schedule. By adding college composition I figured my mom wouldn't nag me for my lack of more rigorous classes. At the beginning of the year I thought I was just on ok writer. I really wasn't sure how to make my ideas make sense on paper I thought. I have more confidence now in my writing, but know I'm nothing special. Throughout the course I learned many different strategies and writing techniques to make my writing more interesting along with how to recognize them. I think the biggest accomplishment I made by taking college composition was being able to figure out what I needed to fix and how to make a paper more interesting after reading it a second time. Before I'd reread a paper I wrote and knew it needed something to make it more interesting, but could never figure it out. Now that I've learned many different writing strategies I can easily read a paper and know what I need to add or change to make it more interesting. The one piece which really shows this is my paper on the 7 deadly sins. All the changes to this paper I made on my own and didn't have a peer tell me what I needed to change like I normally would. I feel that the end product was much better than the original.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog,
Sincerely Garrett

Taking the Wheel

This paper was difficult to write. First it was hard to come up with a person to write about and then the setting and plot were just as difficult. Luckily the weekend following when I got this assignment I went on a college visit with my mother. During the car ride I thought about how this situation would be perfect for the assignment. I could talk about my mother and the experiences we went through while on this college visit. All I could think about was how beautiful the drive was and in my paper I describe it as "The trees were changing and showing their true colors making themselves stand out from the norm of green. They were everything from lemon yellow, bright orange, warm red and some had already lost all of their leaves and become barren skeletons shedding everything that made them who they were". Also all I could think about was my future and how my mother felt about my future since I would be going to college soon. In my paper I describe her feelings by saying "She always has questions and I know what she’s thinking even if she thinks I don’t. Her oval freckled face and round hazel eyes give it all away. She’s nervous for my uncertain future". 

Once I knew what I was writing about the rest came easily, however after reading it through again I have realized that it sounds more like an outline for a paper more than anything else. The one thing I could do to make this paper good is to add more details about the events which will make the paper more interesting along with enhancing the story. For instance explain the driving experience more by using sensory details and dialogue to make the situation more realistic.

I would like you to give me feedback on my character sketch paper. I feel the most connected to this paper because the topic has ultimately been what my life has been about this whole year. There are a few things I'd specifically like feedback on. The organization of the paper is one thing. When we worked in groups my group members agreed that the something was wrong with the organization, but couldn't figure out how to fix it. Also they were kind of confused about the dominant impression of the paper since it seems to be all over the place from a college visit to driving and from my mother being uncertain to becoming certain. I wasn't sure how to make the two connect since the driving experience took place on the way to a college visit. Last, but not least I would also like to know if the paper makes sense and sounds decent.

Taking the Wheel

           

            I wasn’t quiet sure of my future as most seventeen year old seniors are, yet I was being asked to make a decision that could ultimately change my life. I had an idea of what I wanted to major in and knew what I wanted in a university, but that was ultimately it. All the schools looked the same on paper and on their websites. They all promised that they were the right school for me and showed smiling faces peering back at me through the monitor. I knew this wasn’t true though and knew that the only way for me to find out the truth was to visit the school for myself.

                        The wind howled as it blew by the thin glass window protecting my face from the cold outside world. The trees were changing and showing their true colors making themselves stand out from the norm of green. They were everything from lemon yellow, bright orange, warm red and some had already lost all of their leaves and become barren skeletons shedding everything that made them who they were. The rolling hills of Pennsylvania would hopefully allow me to do the same.

            It is a long drive to Pittsburgh Pennsylvania from Rochester New York. About five hours with out any traffic or stops. This isn’t new to me or my mom. Almost every weekend for the past month we have been going on college visits. She always has questions and I know what she’s thinking even if she thinks I don’t. Her oval freckled face and round hazel eyes give it all away. She’s nervous for my uncertain future.

            I can understand why. I’ve made quiet a few mistakes this past year which my mother seems to love to point out to me. “The house is never clean”, “you never do your work” and my personal favorite “why aren’t you filling out college applications you need to straighten up and get your act together”. The last seems to be all she can talk about.

             I also have a lot to learn. I don’t have work experience, never have any money I always spend it and last but not least I don’t know how to drive. I know the last may sound silly. What kid doesn’t want to learn how to drive? Well that kid would be me. I know I’m going to have to learn how to some time but the thought has always scared me. Being in control of a ton of metal capable of going hundreds of miles an hour while other cars and other things pass by creating the chance for an accident which would be my fault freaks me out. My mother knew my reluctance to drive, but something in her eyes today told me I had no choice when she asked.

            The car came to a screech as my mother pulled to the side of the road. As I sat in the driver’s seat I could feel the wind hitting the car as others speeded by. My palms were clammy as I grabbed the wheel. My whole body tensed as I drove onto the highway. I had only driven once before in a parking lot the day I got my permit which was about 3 or 4 months ago. I tried to follow my mother’s instructions as she guided the wheel from the passenger seat. Slowly I felt my mother’s presence less and less until I was on my own.

“See I knew you could do it all along. I never had a doubt.”

IS THAT DUE TODAY!?

I had no idea how I was going to start this paper and neither did my partners. We bounced around a good amount of ideas until we came up with an experience that we had all had and that many other people would have or already have experienced. This was handing in an assignment late. What person hasn’t for some reason been able to turn in a school assignment to a teacher on time. This can be a very stressful situation since it can be the difference between passing and failing a class if it is a major assignment or extremely late.

 Ultimately the hardest part of the assignment was figuring out the topic of our paper. The easiest part was the steps since after we figured out our topic they just came naturally. Obviously this was because everyone in my group had gone through this experience maybe once or twice, but personally this was a weekly to daily occurrence for me in the past. I don’t mean to brag but, this made me very knowledgeable about handing in things late since I am a professional procrastinator.

After rereading the paper I would add more steps and go into more detail to make it more interesting. For instance instead of saying don’t act nervous we could have explained it by adding  make sure to wipe the sweat from your forehead, wear a hoodie or sweater so your sweaty pits won’t be noticed, don’t fiddle with your hands, speak confidently in a steady  clear voice and maintain eye contact. Also I would add a conclusion and maybe even an anecdote to make the story more interesting. I would add a short story about a kid turning in a homework assignment late or a personal one (since I have many) in the introduction. Also I might add some quotes to make the situation and the steps more realistic and interesting.

            No high school kid is ever able to hand in all of their work on time. Here are some tips and ways to hand in work late and still receive credit. Whether it be math homework, science homework, or another subject these tips should help you get credit for your late work.

1. Make up a good excuse like:

The excuse is the core of these steps, because if your excuse is not believable then you will not get credit for your work. Below are some examples of excuses that will work, but make sure that your excuse is detailed and makes sense for your particular situation.

·        Family Problems

·        Printer/ Computer did not work

·        Miss Communication/ unsure of the due date

·        Or any other believable excuse you can come up with

2. Plan what you will say

After you have your excuse you should plan exactly what you are going to say to the teacher. Many kids act nervous and in doing this give away that they are not telling the truth, so remain calm and practice will make you more comfortable with your excuse.

·        Don’t act nervous

·        Be ready to explain yourself

·        Have a the excuse prepared word for word before going into the class           

3. Pulling it off

Now you have to actually pull off your plan, and to do this you need to make sure you have a good attitude and are sincere with your explanation. Use these tips below to make your excuse easier to pull off.

·        Be sincere and apologetic

·        And again don’t be nervous

·        Be believable

·        Stick to your plan, don’t make things up on the spot

4. Afterwards

Once you have successfully completed your plan there are a few things you should do. In doing these things you will stay on the teacher’s good side, and you may even be able to get away with handing in homework late again.

·        Thank the teacher for excepting the work late

·        Apologize again

·        Promise to get work in by a certain date

·         follow through on this due date

Follow these simple steps, and you should have no problem getting credit for your occasional late work. Don’t forget to act casual, have a plan, and stick to your plan. After going through this process a couple off times you will learn how to hand in work late without stressing at all. This simple list of steps and tips should get you on your way to being comfortable with handing in late work for credit.

WARNING: If you use these steps to hand in your late work to the same teacher several times, they may suspect that you are lying and you will not receive credit for your work, so use these tips only when it is necessary.

How To Hand In Work Late and Get Credit

Happily Ever After?

Recently our English teacher gave us a packet filled with techniques to write a good conclusion. I have found two techniques that I am going to use to write two new conclusions. The second conclusion is a broader statement of the paper's implications and the third is an evaluation of the paper's subject. By stating the broader implication of the paper the message of the paper is summed up for the reader. Evaluating the paper's subject makes the message of the paper more meaningful by comparing it to real life experiences and making the reader think. The first conclusion is my original conclusion and following are the new ones I have written.

Yes Saint Mathews truly is the perfect place. A passer-by might think this with the beautiful stone, perfectly manicured gardens, pristine condition and perfect academic record. Beneath the surface Saint Mathew’s doesn’t seem as perfect as it looks though. With quickly shot glares, tiny whispers and even wide spread cheating. Ye Saint Mathew’s truly is the perfect place.

                The sins committed at Saint Mathew’s should be nothing new to anyone. Sin is part of human nature and happens on a daily basis. Therefore everyone sins whether it is a little white lie, a glance, a thought or even taking an extra helping of seconds. Sin is everywhere.

                 Saint Mathew’s may seem like the perfect place, but that is truly impossible. There is no place on the earth that can be perfect. This is because people have reached every part of the world and everywhere people are sin is present. In order for a perfect world free of sin to exist people must be removed from it.

A More Sinful Saint Mathew's

       I revised my 7 deadly sins paper and changed what I said I would in my previous post. Mostly the changes involved expanding my paper by developing the characters and adding more dialogue.

Saint Mathew’s

            Saint Mathew’s private boarding school for the refinement and teaching of youth in the proper Christian way was established in 1777. Since its founding the school had produced thousands of upstanding citizens who were well versed in the ways of Christ. No acts of misconduct had ever been reported and the school had been ranked as one of the top education facilities for youth in the world. Besides being perfect academically the academy was also perfect on the outside. Saints Mathews was in an old stone manor situated in a picture perfect valley surrounded by manicured gardens. Saint Mathews did have problems though under the surface. The underlying foundation was unstable and resulted in annual floods, mud slides and some times even earth quakes. It often took weeks to repair the damages, but then the valley and Saint Mathews was picture perfect again with no signs of the destruction.

            If you went to Saint Mathews the first thing you would notice is the students. Each one dressed in the same navy blue. Boys in dress pant with loafers and girls in skirts with knee high stockings and heels. The students look their best at all times. They walk at the same leisurely pace from class to class with the same concentrated look on their faces. During class the students only speak when called on and stay on task. Yes Saint Mathews truly is the perfect school.

            At the school’s annual homecoming football game against Saint Mathews rival Saint Paul all seemed to be perfect as usual. The cheerleaders of Saint Mathews went out on the field to get the crowd excited. The captain Brittany did for sure. As she bounced up and down, twirled around and shimmied catching the eyes of everyone on the bleachers. The boys started forming interesting thoughts in their heads while the girls gawked at her perfect body and glared with envy.

            “Why can’t I look like her? I wish I had her body.” Elizabeth whispered to her friend Emily.

 Emily said nothing as she pictured herself as Brittany. Her life would be perfect. She would wake up in the morning and the mirror would not find a single flaw. She would then go to school where she would meet the eye of every passer by.

“Man I’m hungry”. Jack managed to squeeze out between mouth full’s.

“I’m goanna get more grub” he announced as he made his way to the concession stand making his third visit.

Jack had already eaten his fifth hot dog, third slices of pizza, second cup of coco and eighth candy bar before the end of the first half.

“Looks who’s coming back” Bob announced to the others working the stand.

“I knew he’d come back I told you. This kid eats a ton and will pay just about anything for food”. Bob announced as he raised the prices by twenty five cents since he saw Jack waddling over in the distance.

 “Jason wake-up! I didn’t bring you here just to sleep. You’re missing a great game!” Jaclyn said in frustration as she tried to wake up her boy friend Jason who had fallen asleep.

Jason was the best athlete in the school. He could easily out swim the captain of the swim team, out dunk the captain of the basketball team and even out throw the quarter back of the football team. Why wasn’t Jason on any of the teams though? Simple all he wanted to do was lay around his room eating cheese puffs and dose in and out of consciousness while watching TV.

            The game really was exciting. Saint Mathews had just scored a touch down and the quarter back George was doing a victory lap around the field. Until then the two teams had been neck and neck in a tie, but now saint Mathews would win for sure with less than five minutes of game play. Saint Paul’s wouldn’t give up though and decided to give it a try. During the next play George went flying into the air and slid across the field as he stumbled over a foot. The foot belonged to a member of the Saint Paul’s team who was upset since the only reason the game winning point was scored only because of a bad call.

            Yes Saint Mathews truly is the perfect place. A passer by might think this with the beautiful stone, perfectly manicured gardens, pristine condition and perfect academic record. Beneath the surface Saint Mathew’s doesn’t seem as perfect as it looks though. With quickly shot glares, tiny whispers and even wide spread cheating. Ye Saint Mathew’s truly is the perfect place. 

Saint Mathew's

Before writing this paper I read "All Seven Deadly Sins Committed at Church Bake Sale". This story was humorous and ironic. The best parts of the story were the sins since they wouldn't be obvious if you hadn't know that the story was about them. All of the sins were things that you would expect to see when a large group of people get together. In fact they didn’t really seem to surprise me at all and when I thought about it I realized that I see pretty much all of these sins on a daily basis. Also they were in pretty much everything I found interesting. Let’s face it without sin television would be pretty boring since there’d be no drama.

When I drafted this paper I wasn't sure how to represent the 7 deadly sins. Even harder though was figuring out the setting for the paper. Once I figured this out though the sins came easily. I figured since I see them every day at school why not just exaggerate a little bit and make the setting a supposedly pristine perfect catholic boarding school.

After reading the paper a second time I thought it sounded good but could be elaborated more especially when it comes to the sins. Instead of telling about them I should show them through developing the characters more, using dialogue and going into more detail about the sins. For instance instead of just saying I “Jason who truly was the best athlete in the school had to be dragged to the game by his girlfriend which was pointless because he fell asleep within the first five minute” I could explain how good Jason is by giving examples of his Athletic accomplishments and add dialogue to show how his girlfriend is frustrated with Jason. I thought the setting of the paper was good and liked the introduction.

Saint Mathew’s

            Saint Mathew’s private boarding school for the refinement and teaching of youth in the proper Christian way was established in 1777. Since its founding the school had produced thousands of upstanding citizens who were well versed in the ways of Christ. No acts of misconduct had ever been reported and the school had been ranked as one of the top education facilities for youth in the world. Besides being perfect academically the academy was also perfect on the outside. Saints Mathews was in an old stone manor situated in a picture perfect valley surrounded by manicured gardens. Saint Mathews did have problems though under the surface. The underlying foundation was unstable and resulted in annual floods, mud slides and some times even earth quakes. It often took weeks to repair the damages, but then the valley and Saint Mathews was picture perfect again with no signs of the destruction.

            If you went to Saint Mathews the first thing you would notice is the students. Each one dressed in the same navy blue. Boys in dress pant with loafers and girls in skirts with knee high stockings and heels. The students look their best at all times. They walk at the same leisurely pace from class to class with the same concentrated look on their faces. During class the students only speak when called on and stay on task. Yes Saint Mathews truly is the perfect school.

            At the school’s annual homecoming football game against Saint Mathews rival Saint Paul all seemed to be perfect as usual. Brittany the head cheerleader caught every boy’s eye as she bounced up and down as well as the girls envious glares. Jack had made his third trip to the concession stand downing his fifth hot dog, third slice of pizza, second cup of coco and eight candy bars before the end of the first half. Bob who worked the concession stand knew that Jack would pay any amount for food so Bob raised the prices by twenty five cents when he saw Jack coming. Jason who truly was the best athlete in the school had to be dragged to the game by his girlfriend which was pointless because he fell asleep within the first five minutes. On the field George decided to do a victory lap around the field for his recent touch down. In the next play George was tripped by a member of the Saint Paul team since he knew George cheated.

            Yes Saint Mathews truly is the perfect school.

Bulging Beginnings

        In a recent class our English teacher gave us a packet filled with different techniques to use in introductions to make them more interesting. We then had to write 3 new introductions for our paper using the new techniques. the second introduction uses an anecdote, the third uses a good question and the fourth uses a striking fact. The first introduction is my original introduction. An anecdote grabs the readers attention by telling a story that has to do with the topic of the paper. A good question makes the reader want to read more since they want to find the answer and a striking fact makes the reader want to read the rest of the paper by telling them something that shocks them along with making them think.

            Americans love junk food. Almost every where you go it is present. It’s a must at any get together, the perfect after school snack, grocery stores have whole entire aisles with it and they are even sold in restaurants. There are many different kinds of junk food and flavors, but one rule over all of them, the potato chip. Little Joe hated to go to the grocery store, but always went hoping he could convince his mother. Joe loved to eat as many kids do today in America, but like many only ate unhealthy foods. If he could Joe would live in the junk food aisle of the grocery store. Hopefully Joe would be able to convince his mother to go down this aisle today and would pick up a bag of his favorite snack, potato chips.

 Everywhere I go I see obesity at school, at stores and even on television. Whenever I see an obese person I always wonder how anybody could let that happen to themselves? Yet I also see junk food everywhere I go too. There are vending machines at school, aisles of junk food in grocery stores and commercials on television. It is impossible to find a place where junk food doesn’t exist. Out of all the types of junk food though there is one that is the most popular, potato chips.

Americans love junk food, but there is one that is insanely popular, the potato chip. Americans consume 1.2 billion pounds of potato chips annually and spend 6 billion dollars each year on potato chips each year. That is enough money to end world hunger. Americans are also terribly obese 34 percent of all adults over 20, 18 percent of adolescents between 12 and 19, 20 percent of children between 6 and 11 and 10 percent of children between 2 and 5 are obese. If Americans gave up potato chips for a year world hunger could be ended and the nation’s health would improve greatly.

Deep Fried and Oversized "Super Sized"

My introduction seems to be too short and not very interesting. I'm not really sure how to make it longer or more interesting though. Hopefully the little changes I made will improve it. I expanded on the popularity of the potato chip, added an interesting fact and discussed how they are unhealthy. Besides that though I am happy with my paper since my paper does fulfill the promises of my introduction and has description, definition and comparison.

Deep Fried and Oversized

Americans love junk food. Almost everywhere you go it is present. It’s a must at any get together, the perfect after school snack, grocery stores have whole entire aisles with it and they are even sold in restaurants. There are many different kinds of junk food and flavors, but one rule over all of them, the potato chip. The all mighty potato chip welcomed in every American home and stomach. Ultimately potato chips are one of the most popular foods in the nation and were even considered to be an important part of the American diet in WWII since they were the only ready to eat vegetables available. Now we know that potato chips shouldn’t be considered a vegetable even though they are made from them.

            What exactly is a potato chip? According to answers.com a potato chip is a thin slice of potato, fried quickly in oil and then salted. Personally I think potato chips are disgusting and revolting. I hate how greasy and tasteless they are, plus their nonexistent health benefits just further my feelings. Just because I despise potato chips doesn’t mean I don’t splurge and eat a few once and a while. When I say a few I mean pretty much the whole bag. I don’t understand why I keep eating them. My mind has stop and is horrified by the taste and texture of them yet my body keeps craving them. Ultimately my hand to mouth movement keeps going none stop until there is nothing left to grab.

            In class we compared different kinds of potato chips. All were Lays consisting of everything from classic to baked and even those that promised to be made of natural ingredients or healthier. As each thin greasy see transparent yellow oval enters my mouth an instant occurs when I think that this might be the one, the one chip that turns my hatred into something more pleasant. This moment fades quickly though after the crunch goes away, the consistency turns into mush and the flavor goes from grease to cardboard. Ultimately none of the chips were the one for me. Every chip had the same nasty affect and they all blurred together making them an unrecognizable assortment. Each bag had unfilled promises written all across them. All natural, so good you just can’t have one, and healthier for you. I’d expect them to be natural after all potato chips come from potatoes the last time I checked. The only reason why you just can’t have one is because of the fat and salt that the chips are loaded with. Finally I don’t know how a potato chip can be healthy for you since it is deep fried. If you’re looking to get healthier I think potato chips should not be part of your diet. Each package had bright blues, yellows and reds which make the consumer think that they are buying something nice fresh and hot psychologically. The truth though is that they are buying a bag of old stale greasy thin sliced potatoes.

Deep Fried and Over Sized

            When I first started this paper I had no idea what I was going to do. In class we taste tested different kinds of a certain food similar to the author of “No Wonder Why They Call Me a Bitch”. In this story the author decides to taste test different kinds of dog food. Sadly I was stuck with a food that almost seems just as bad as dog food, Potato chips.

I had to research the history of potato chips and also had to taste different kinds which was surprisingly the easiest part, however describing them was the hardest because there really wasn't much of a difference between them. The most enjoyable part of this paper was the research. I love history especially about things most people wouldn't know about.

In this paper I used definition writing, descriptive writing, personal opinion and informative writing. I feel that my introduction could be better. It is too short and there is no hook. After reading it a second time I feel it is really boring. I think maybe describing the potato chip more and how popular it is would be better. I could do this by adding some facts and statistics. Besides that I think that my paper is fine. I like the way it flows and my descriptions of eating the potato chip. An example would be this line “As each thin greasy see transparent yellow oval enters my mouth an instant occurs when I think that this might be the one, the one chip that turns my hatred into something more pleasant. This moment fades quickly though after the crunch goes away, the consistency turns into mush and the flavor goes from grease to cardboard.” My partner agreed with me on my thoughts about my introduction. The one part of this paper I am going to really work on is the introduction since it sets up the rest of the paper and since it is the major part my partner said needed change.

Deep Fried and Over Sized

            Americans love junk food. Almost every where you go it is present. It’s a must at any get together, the perfect after school snack, grocery stores have whole entire aisles with it and they are even sold in restaurants. There are many different kinds of junk food and flavors, but one rule over all of them, the potato chip.

            What exactly is a potato chip? According to answers.com a potato chip is a thin slice of potato, fried quickly in oil and then salted. Personally I think potato chips are disgusting and revolting. I hate how greasy and tasteless they are, plus their nonexistent health benefits just further my feelings. Just because I despise potato chips doesn’t mean I don’t splurge and eat a few once and a while. When I say a few I mean pretty much the whole bag. I don’t understand why I keep eating them. My mind has stop and is horrified by the taste and texture of them yet my body keeps craving them. Ultimately my hand to mouth movement keeps going none stop until there is nothing left to grab.

            The first potato chip was created in Saratoga Springs New York in the summer of 1853 when a patron repeatedly sent back his order of French fries claiming they were too thick. As a result chef George Crum sliced the French fries paper-thin and deep-fried them. The patron loved them and the popularity of the new dish spread across the nation where they were made ready to order. Potato chips wouldn’t be massed produced until the 1930s when machinery and techniques allowed the chips to have a long shelf life.

As each thin greasy see transparent yellow oval enters my mouth an instant occurs when I think that this might be the one, the one chip that turns my hatred into something more pleasant. This moment fades quickly though after the crunch goes away, the consistency turns into mush and the flavor goes from grease to cardboard. Ultimately none of the chips were the one for me. Every chip had the same nasty affect and they all blurred together making them an unrecognizable assortment. Each bag had unfilled promises written all across them. All natural, so good you just can’t have one, and healthier for you. I’d expect them to be natural after all potato chips come from potatoes the last time I checked. The only reason why you just can’t have one is because of the fat and salt that the chips are loaded with. Finally I don’t know how a potato chip can be healthy for you since it is deep fried. If you’re looking to get healthier I think potato chips should not be part of your diet. Each package had bright blues, yellows and reds which make the consumer think that they are buying something nice fresh and hot psychologically. The truth though is that they are buying a bag of old stale greasy thin sliced potatoes.